Relationship Skills Determine the Character of Our Relationships

"To be related means not to be dependent on each other, not to escape from loneliness through another, not to try to find comfort, companionship, through another." Krishnamurti.

Relationship begins within. Individual skills create relationship; not destiny, not by finding the right person, the "soul mate" and not by having the right dependence, contract or religious blessing.

To create a loving relationship, we must first know how to give to the essential needs of the energy living us. We have more intimacy, more control and a greater capacity to learn from the life within ourselves, so insight begins there. Once we understand how to care for the life within us, we can share our skills with others.

We live within a family and a community. Those relationships invite the belief that others cause our happiness, but we are the source. From this perspective, we can learn how to give to life what it needs to thrive. If you're not sure what your skills are, look at what your parents created. Without consciously training in new skills, we take on the skills we could see our parents modeling. We miss their unseen skills. Studying and knowing doesn't help. No matter how much you know, you cannot do until you train in doing.

To learn relationship, we need 4 basic focuses- Observation, Feelings, Needs and Requests. We need to train in the use of theses rare skills. They allow us to harmonize within ourselves, and self harmony enables us to harmonize with others.

OBSERVATION. All insight begins with Observation- the ability to perceive the nature of what is without interpretation, judgment, opinion, beliefs, and cultural values influencing and obstructing understanding.

FEELINGS AND NEEDS. If we can perceive clearly, we can feel, hear and see our feelings- the emotional energy driving the moment's actions, and we can track feelings to their source in essential human needs- the resources life requires to thrive. Hearing needs speaking through the feelings our bodies communicate with gives us the information essential to caring for life.

REQUESTS. By sharing the information within feelings and needs, we can make decisions together through requests- which give equal respect for each other's right to choose by asking for the resources that fulfill needs.

These four essential skills combine into complex skills- self connection, empathy, honesty and collaboration in joint decision making that is mutually supportive. Together they create relationships in which trust and cooperation allow merging into one coordinated whole. Fulfilling relationships give mutual assistance and support in fulfilling all life needs. Without these skills only marginal relationships can form and fall apart as the partners feel their limitations and frustrations.

http://www.peace-making.com/ Give you Relationship Skills Determine the Character of Our Relationships with Relationship Transformation and more at Portland, Oregon.

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For Relationship Success and Satisfaction, Try This Approach

The sustaining connections we have with others are fundamentally emotional ones we create as we intertwine our own emotional life with that of another person.

Yet, finding how to form these deep, subjective bonds with others in healthy and mutually satisfying ways can be a huge challenge - a process that can be overwhelming, especially if we undertake it without a guide for how to do it.

Luckily one guide we can use is the fundamental makeup of our own emotional selves. We can take into account each of the six primary areas of emotional life we have in common with every other human being.

Then as we weave our emotional life with that of another, we create emotional relationship connections that support all parts of ourselves and that do so in healthy ways.

We can start creating a healthy and mutually satisfying relationship in that way, and we can also use the same method to work in that direction with one that already exists.
The relationship evolves in healthier and more mutually supportive ways when each person agrees that:

1. We both have a right to exist; to have our own needs, feelings & wants, to be connected and to belong. We address these in our relationship in a process of loving negotiation and mutual cooperation.

2. We each have a right to explore and move in the world to gather our own sensory knowledge of the world and to maintain the connection to each other while we do so.

3. We support our own and each others' right to think for ourselves & be separate from each other, acting as individuals living our own lives and making our own boundaries while taking into account how our individual actions affect our relationship.

4. We have the right to find out who we are and develop our own place in the social world as individuals, as well as to develop a place for our relationship in the social world.

5. We each have a right to develop our own unique skills, priorities and values, to have our own opinions and grant that right to each other.

6. We each have a right to take responsibility for becoming increasingly in charge of our own lives, our life choices and their consequences.

When this agreement is at the foundation of the relationship, then each person can address these two fundamental questions separately and also with the other person:

How is each of us supporting these six inner parts of our individual selves in this relationship?

How are we supporting each other in all six areas?

The above is an excerpt from Emotional Development 101, where you'll learn all about inner subjective life and how it applies to you and all your relationships, including your parenting, grandparenting, work life, learning process, creative life and more. You will learn how to create a healthy emotional life and emotionally healthy relationships. I invite you to check out the class outline and free audio introduction at http://www.emotionaldevelopment101.com/.

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5 Tips on Having and Keeping a Healthy Relationship

Having and maintaining healthy relationships are like jobs that are worked on 365 days a year 7 days a week and every bit of 24 hours a day. Here are 5 tips on how to keep your relationship together and keep it fresh.

Tip #1 Communication is imperative

You will hear it time and time again on the internet or in books but it is true and I will elaborate. Whenever two people rose in different households and with different upbringing come together to form a relationship they are bound to clash in one way or another. Talking to each other about these differences will help the other to understand it better. Talk and listen to what the other has to say and its imperative to put yourself in the others shoes. You may not agree but at least you may get to the root of the issue and can deal with it from there.

Tip #2 Say I love you (if you mean it) with your words and with your body!

It's one thing to say I love you, those words are important to hear for both involved whether you're 25 or 85, but showing it comes hard for a lot of us. Playing with your girl's hair or a firm grasp of the waist line are just a couple of subtle signs for men to use. Ladies have it a little tougher because most men are figures of strength and that foofy foofy stuff doesn't really affect us (yeah right we need it too). Grab his butt! Yeah I said it, grab a hand full just for fun, it shows interest and we need that from time to time. Other things for women is play with his hair or head (if he has none), and grabbing him from behind laying your head on his back is a really good showing of emotion. Men are for the most part visual so you can use your imagination to fill in some areas there.

Tip #3 Spend time

I know it's tough in this economy and with busy schedules. But a date night could be a picnic or camp out in the back yard, or you even start a new TV series together (True blood would be my suggestion). Time is equally important as each of these tips. If you don't have the time MAKE IT. It greatly improves the health of your relationship.

Tip #4 Be open emotionally

A great quote on this tip comes from Dr. Seuss, "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind". I know right, go ahead Dr. Seuss! This is one of the powerful ways to keep a relationship together. Let your significant other in without the fear of getting hurt. You have to be strong enough, the both of you, to allow your partner to help you unpack any baggage that you may have.

Tip #5 Don't have all the answers!

Last but definitely not least, nobody likes a "know it all" and the same holds true in a relationship. Sometimes it's OK to be wrong, that's how life lessons are learned. Falling only means learning to get up. This is an extremely hard one for most of us, especially when you love the one who you are allowing to fall. But if you come to the rescue all the time you will continue to have to come to the rescue and your significant other will never learn.

Being in a relationship is like looking into that mirror that shows every flaw, everything beautiful, and one that can show you your future. It's up to you how you handle seeing these things that you may have never seen before. It is hard work but worth it for the right one. What do you think?

For more visit:

Website: http://www.morethanacrush.net/

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How To Get Him Back Even If It Seems Hopeless - 2 Essential Strategies

Reclaim Your Love Today!

There are many more reasons people fall out of love as reasons they fall into love. After contemplating the reasons you and your boyfriend broke up, do you now want to know two of the most powerful ways to get your boyfriend back? You have a choice you can just lay back and dream about all the wonder things you enjoyed together, or you can get up and reclaim your love!

The Power Of The Male Ego:

The male ego speaks strongly to every man. It is simply out of his control. If you can follow this psychology of man you will have a much greater chance of winning him, while making him think he won you back. Applying these strategies can create a love that will be healthier for you and a love you both will cherish more and more.

Men Desire To Believe They Have Won The Prize!

Most men will not accept a woman into his life he believes is below him. He wants to believe he has "won" the prize that he has hunted down and won. This is the foundation of the male ego. Man is made for the hunt so let him chase you. He wants to feel you are his equal or above him. Whatever the reason, its time you show him that you are still the best choice these implementing strategies.

Many women believe that if they look terribly sad about their loss or even pathetic their ex-boyfriend will take pity comfort her. Well even if he does it is only temporary. What you genuinely want is a strategy to get him back forever!

Build Your Strategy:

So what is this "how to get your boyfriend back" strategy? First, looking pathetic and sad will only backfire on you. He will flee from you! You need to work from a position of power. This is confidence plus your loving smile. You need to reframe you life with things that make you happy and fulfilled; things that bring the best out of you.

Realize that he is still keeping tabs on you through your friends and social networks. The more fulfilling and positive you can make your life, the more interests you develop, the more you will appear attractive to him. When he hears about how well you are doing, he will remember all the marvelous things about the girl he fell in love with.

This will begin to dominate his mind all day long and create a passionate desire for you. He will remember those magic moments you shared together. He will remember you as the best girl he has ever met. Your strategy is starting to work on him mind. He will want those treasured times back.

Are You Ready For Step Two - Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

You now need to disappear from his sphere of influence. This will create powerful mystery and intrigue in his male psychology. You are using this psychology to your advantage. Suddenly, all information on you is gone!

Make sure you stay away from all of his friends. Do things you want like dance classes, tennis, and a fun community college class. Do the things that you haven't done in the past. This will create other activities you can share with each other. Plus, your conversations always full of fascinating topics. Be a mystery and he will be on your tail trying to get any information on you.

This strategy is working strongly on his male ego. He finally remembers how marvelous and exciting you truly are! Your efforts are creating a sense of loss in him. Curiosity may kill cats, but mystery will bring the life back into his efforts to win you back. The longer you keep this mystery going the greater the effects will be.

Rekindle Your Love - Forever!

Finally, when you feel you have made these positive adjustments in your life, it may be time to let him know what you are up to in an easy, subtle way. Take your time and establish a relationship starting out as close friends. In this way, he will soon realize there is an improved version of you, and he will certainly want you to be a significant part of his life once again.

You Are Now The Prize! But, Is He Really Worth Fighting For?

From now on, never change the fun and fascinating person you truly are. You now have the power so let him chase you. Lastly, decide if he is certainly worth fighting for!

This is just one excellent strategy on how to get your boyfriend back. Now take the next step and discover even more powerful strategies and tips not only on how to get your ex back but how to keep him forever. Click on the link below.

For powerful information on how to get your ex boyfriend back visit http://www.tipsongettinghimback.com/.

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Prepare For The Chase

The original plan for a woman's existence is that she was created to meet the needs of her husband. This means that her role as a wife - was to enrich her husband's life for the better and not for worse.

Unfortunately in our society 'where the idea is that women should have equal rights to men' - women have now become far more proactive than men in their search for their ideal mate. They are constantly on the prowl or lookout for 'Mr. Right', instead of preparing themselves for the chase.

It was God's initial intent for man to seek out his bride. These roles began to change as a result in the shift of equality between man and woman. This is unnatural and inconsistent with the principle of marriage, as men should pursue women and not the other way around. Men were designed to seek, hunt, provide, and protect, but his role has since become diluted and devalued and this works against mans natural instincts.

We are doing ourselves a disservice by meddling with God's perfectly thought out plan for marriage. Let's sit down and ask ourselves what is it that we can do to prepare our hearts for the life commitments we want to make?

The first thing we need to do is to detoxify our spirits from all of the bad and misinformed indoctrination that our culture as accepted as right and equal. Where as a result, women find now themselves emotionally hurt, alone, broken, and having to start all over again. I am not implying that a woman cannot be extremely happy with a man that she sought after, but what I am suggesting is that seeking out a mate comes with risks and potential failure. When a woman is being pursued by a man it not only gives her a self-esteem boost but it is also more exciting.

The beauty of natural and spontaneous order set out by God is that relationships flow naturally without stress, or unnecessary heartache. If you ask God for this strong heroic mate with a heart made of gold, a degree from Yale, a job with a 401k income, a nice starter home for a family of three, and a few mutual funds with a good rate of return, what do you think would happen? I believe that your request would not be impossible or unrealistic, but the question remains... from your list of must-haves, is what portion do you possess?

Well - God is not going to send you a gift that you can't handle, and nor should he. Put yourself in his shoes would he really desire a women with bad credit, a bad attitude, no education, selfishness, can't maintain a home, self-esteem, a heart full of un-forgiveness, and even complains about the air she breathes! Does this really sound like the wife of a man's dreams?

Ask God to wash and cleans your spirit, to modify your ways, heal your heart, forgive you of past failures, give you a sweet attitude, change your outlook on life, and turn your attention and focus over to him. Men are looking for a 'lady' not just a woman; they want the whole enchilada. If you desire to become a helpmate give yourself an internal makeover, it will help you to understand that your thoughts need to be redirected and adjusted so that the 'real you' can come forth. Make some new friends, pick up some new habits, and find a new interest that will help you on your journey.

Sometimes we want to be married because we are afraid of being alone. No woman wants to live a life without having experienced the safety and security of being captured by the strength of a man's love, and the experience of his arms protecting her through the night. However - we need to love ourselves first, have self-control, and enjoy being valued and adored by God, because he knows what's best for us.

If we surrender our will and selfish desires to God he will pour out his blessings on us that we are not worthy to receive. Relax and spend some quality time with yourself, do things that make you happy, go out with like-minded friends that share common interests, go places where you would feel comfortable meeting new people and experience a new flavor. God teaches us that 'It is better to be alone than in the company of fools'. Don't focus your attention on seeking a man, but focus on living and appreciating the extraordinary woman that God ordained you to be.

Remember and tell yourself this every day... You are a beautiful and pure gift that God made in his own image. Start to look at yourself from God's view, and as you grow with God's heart - you will see how you are becoming a more suitable friend and partner for life.

Men still love to chase! Let him do what he was designed to do! Check out http://www.themarriageseed.com/ and get the 411 on how to keep it together until he finds you.

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Trust and Honesty

There are few things in life that are absolute, but trust between two people is one of them. You can't sort of trust someone. You either do or you don't. It's pretty simple.

Based on the stakes, people can be really careless with little things that might cause damage to trust. I had one client who would lie to her husband about how much she spent at the mall. She wasn't lying about that much. She'd just fudge the numbers a little bit. She'd say she spend $200 when she'd really spent $275.00. Actually she'd only done it a few times, more than once, but not frequently. When he found out he assumed she was lying about other things. He tore their relationship apart trying to figure out what about. She blamed him for their troubles when she started it over $75.00.

I had another client who had a shared Facebook account with his wife. They'd agreed on doing it that way. Before his 15th high school reunion, he started a private one. He did have a thought of using it communicate with his high school girlfriend. He didn't intend to cheat on his wife, but he knew she wouldn't appreciate him communicated with a high school flame. He did neither actually, cheat with or communicate with his ex. A couple of his old football buddies friended him on Facebook, and referenced the pictures he'd posted at the reunion, in front of his wife, who had the heart sinking feeling he was hiding something from her and of course he was, something small, but she couldn't see it that way. If it was so innocent why did he hide it? It ate her up.

The problem is trust is never a given. It's earned, and it's much harder to repair once broken than it was to build in the first place. Even the small things can do damage that can be irreparable, because trust is so fragile, and absolute. A relationship without trust is divisive and corrosive on many levels and love has a hard time growing there.

So, if you're going to be in a relationship remember, trust is absolute. It is or it isn't. Anything less than real trust and honesty creates shadows around the love that you want to create. (tweetable!) Before you risk it, carelessly or intentionally ask yourself if it's worth the cost. If you want to stay together I can almost guarantee it's not.

Lisa Hayes is an LOA Relationship Coach and Author of How to Escape from Relationship Hell and the Passion Plan. She is also co-founder of Good Vibe Coaching Academy, specializing in LOA Coach training. To get Lisa's FREE Audio, "How to Talk to a Man" Click here

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Building Trust In A Relationship: What You Need To Know

In any kind of relationship that you built, whether it's work, friendship or love, trust is one of the key factors to making it work.

Did you know that one of the most common reasons given for a romantic breakup or divorce is a loss of trust? If you can't trust someone, you can't love them. Love and trust are inseparable from each other.

If you want to build a more trusting relationship with your partner, these five tips will get you on your way!

1. Tell the Truth

Telling the truth can be a hard thing to do sometimes, but no matter how hard it might be, it's the right thing to do.

Even if it's difficult, it's not as bad as it will be if you lie and get caught. One lie can create a loss of trust that is impossible to recover. A little "white lie" can turn a small thing into a major issue. And once your partner has lost his faith in your word, he'll be suspicious of everything you say.

2. Communicate

The best path to a trusting relationship is through open and honest communication.

It's only through the time you spend talking together that you can really learn what's going on inside of each other; and the more you know someone, the more you trust them.

3. Keep Your Promises

While unforeseen circumstances can sometimes put a damper in our best laid plans, in general if you make a promise, you best be darned sure that you can keep it.

If you aren't sure, don't make a promise, it's that simple. It's much better to show up with a surprise than to make a promise you can't keep.

4. Don't Be Afraid to Say "I was Wrong"

We all make mistakes, there's no shame to be had in it. But when it does happen, you need to own up to it and take responsibility for it.

For instance, if you've been less than honest about something, you need to admit it to your partner and apologize - and hope that he'll be able to forgive and continue trusting you.

Coming clean is better than creating lie after lie to hide your mistake. And of course, don't make a habit of making the same mistake.

5. Have Faith In Yourself And In Your Partner

If you want your relationship to be strong, you need to know that you've made the right decision, and that you're with the right person.

If you aren't sure, you won't have the right foundation for building a strong relationship. However, when you have faith in your partner, he will have faith in you.

Do you often feel like you do not understand your man? Or are you single and have not been able to find Mr Right? Are you doing everything right on your first date with a hot guy?

If you have such questions, and more, you've come to the right place. Visit UrbaneWomen to find out if you are doing everything right, from how to apply the correct makeup for that hot date tonight to advices on how to improve your relationship with your man.

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How To Earn His Respect - Top 3 Steps Revealed

When a woman starts her marital life, she's very much pleased and satisfied. She receives a high degree of respect and love from her husband. She feels that her husband has put her on the royal throne and laid the fresh flowers in her every path.

But, unfortunately, the royal throne on which she sits topples after some time. Sad eyes and wet smiles become her fate. Her husband stops giving her respect and begins to treat her like a lower level woman. He neither gives importance to her words, nor does he care about her feelings. In a way, her wife becomes meaningless for him.

How to Earn His Respect

In a relationship, most of the women choose such methods, for earning their man's respect, which prove largely unsuccessful. Their methods and techniques create no effect on their man.

If you want to earn your man's respect, you need to take those steps which can influence your man's psychology. Because, a man's mind works exactly different than a woman's mind. His thinking patterns and feelings are completely different. You cannot expect him to think, or feel, like you.

Here I am telling you three steps, because of which you cannot only earn his respect but also compel him to love you more and more, again and again. These three steps create a very serious effect on his psychology and make him worship you with love - whole life.

Step 1: Be Visually Pleasing

The very first thing you have to do is to be 'Visually Pleasing' for your man. Because, men are visualizers. They feel what they see. Whenever they see a woman who looks visually pleasing, they feel attraction for her. They try to respect her in every possible way, so that they can get her attention and spend some love-packed moments.

If you believe that your man will be attracted to your words and begin to respect you, it would be a mistake. This will never happen.

"You have to win his eyes, not ears."

The more you'll look good to him visually, the more he'll give you respect. That's why, it's important for you to focus more on your visual appearance than your interaction with him.

Step 2: Overtake His Expectation

Most of the women think that it's impossible to keep a man happy in the relationship. According to them, men's love always fades away after some time, and they stop giving respect to their woman.

To some extent, a person can agree that this statement of women is right. But, you cannot say that it's a complete truth. I agree, there is no doubt that women do too much work to earn their man's respect. But, unfortunately, they do those works in which men normally have no interest.

A man always gives importance to those things which he wants. He doesn't care about the other extra works which you do for him. He wants only what he expects from you. I know it's rude, but it's completely true. Therefore, avoid doing extra works which do not affect him. Just focus only on those things which he expects from you. This is the only way you can overtake his expectation.

Step 3: Develop At Least One "Grand" Factor

Do you have at least one "Grand" factor in your personality, like leaders, superstars, and sports players?

In order to earn the respect of your man, you should must have at least one grand factor in your personality. Because, when there is a grand factor in your personality, your value increases a lot; you become extremely attractive for everyone. And, your man feels proud that you are his wife.

For developing a 'grand' factor in your personality, first, you have to think of what you are an expert at. Because, it's very necessary to become an expert in something. When you are an expert in something, people begin to recognize you. And, that's when your 'Grand Factor' develops.

Now it's up to you in which you field you want to become an expert.

- You can become an expert chef.

- You can become an expert horse rider.

- You can become the best fitness model/instructor.

This is a final and very effective step. Your value and respect increase a lot in your man's eyes. He begins to think that you are the most valuable wife on earth. He not only loves you but also keeps you like a respectable queen.

Take Action:

In order to earn your man's respect, you need to do some practical things right now.

Step 1: Be Visually Appealing

Always remember, for being visually pleasing,

Sometimes you have to look SWEET,

Sometimes you have to look SEXY, and

Sometimes you have to look GORGEOUS.

These three forms of women are very visually appealing to men. Your 'Visual Appeal' is the first step towards earning his respect.

Step 2: Overtake His Expectation

This second step is very important. You have to find those "Top 10 Things That Make Him Happy". For example: sex, food, and adventure etc.

Just focus only on those 10 things, because that's how you'll overtake his expectations so easily.

Step 3: Develop At Least One 'Grand' Factor

Think. What do you want to be known for? "Become an expert in it."

Want to be Treated like a Queen? Get 7-Day Free Email Course at Bill Hamilton's blog: http://www.beingelite.com/

He loves coming up with new ideas and figuring out how to apply them; He also works with individuals, couples, and entrepreneurs to help them accomplish their ambitions. You can read his blog at: http://www.beingelite.com/blog

According to Bill Hamilton, "Brilliant books always lead to a wonderful life."

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The 2 Most Attractive Forms of Women

Every form of woman is virtually attractive & beautiful. Sensitive style, sweet talks, charming face, and pleasant energy compel a man's heart to grizzle. In their presence, men start to cluster around one by one and seek their attention with different ways.

However, there are two special forms of women that make men completely crazy about them and steal a man's heart in every stage of a relationship.

1) Aggressive Form

2) Submissive Form

According to men's psychology, these two forms of women come in the realm of true beauty. Because, these two forms are utterly opposite & different, and they transform a woman into a completely dynamic person. So, if you belong to one of these forms, you'll comfortably make a place in every man's heart.

Aggressive Form

It's important to clear one thing here. Aggressiveness and dominance are two different things. The aggressiveness of a woman is extremely attractive for a man. On the other hand, the dominance of a woman is considered disrespectful. A man can never tolerate the disrespectful behavior of his woman. Because, when his woman disrespects him, she invades his manly ego and generates the feelings of hatred in his heart for her.

A woman with aggressive traits is magically attractive for men. Because, she's exactly different from other women. The enthusiasm of her soul, the heights of her emotions, and the bright sparkles of her eyes tempt the happy emotions of men.

I have a friend who is very fond of target shooting. According to her, target shooting is a very relaxing hobby. However, the interesting thing which I want to tell you is that, whenever she tells the men about her this hobby, she instantly becomes very unique to them. In a moment, she beats other thousands of girls and steals the heart of every man. Men start treating her with respect and gives her authoritative position in almost every situation. As far as I know, it's never difficult for her to control the heart of men. In addition, because of this hobby, her own man treats her with high respect and showers love on her through every possible way.

Women who take an interest in sports, politics, business, social work, and public relations are often considered aggressive. Such women have full confidence in their abilities. They know that how to deal with bad times, and they know that how to get respect from people - And, this is what men love.

Submissive Form

Submissive women are the hearts of poets. Only a poet is able to define the true beauty of submissive women in his words. It's because submissive women are very heart-touching for men. Their delicate style, shy tone, and feminine attraction take the hearts of men.

A few months ago, I was watching a documentary in which they told that there are many submissive gestures which extremely attract the emotions of a man. For example, they were saying that, in rainy season, when rain clouds roar, and you embrace your man with fear, or hold his hand, you actually activate the feelings of love of your man. In other words, when he sees you in the fear, he tries his best to protect you. In a way, he connects with you on an emotional level.

Like aggressive women, submissive women also have some special qualities, hobbies, and habits which are extremely attractive for men. Cooking, painting/drawing, dancing, photography, exercise, gardening, reading and writing are those traits which seduce the mind of a man. In addition, these types of traits make a submissive woman very interesting... She becomes the desire of every heart and attracts the emotions of everyone with her feminine charm.

The hearts of submissive women are soft and innocent like the hearts of the birds. That's why, we often find this type of women in romantic movies. If you look at the super-hit romantic movies of history, you'll find out the submissive type of women in them. Because, they have the ability to touch the hearts of people with their feminine charm.

Take Action:

There is certainly a unique, aggressive, or submissive side in every human being. If you think you don't have, then you just need to find it. Find out your side/form, especially through your hobbies & habits, and cash it as much as you can. Let people, or your husband, notice your form so that they start to treat you differently, with more respect & love.

Here I am telling you few hobbies, habits, and traits of aggressive and submissive women so that you can discover your form easily. Find out your form and express yourself openly through your hobbies & habits time and time again.

Traits of Aggressive Women: She's fashionable, healthy, confident, adventurous, gorgeous, sexual, kind, unpredictable, sociable and independent. She does little things to show she cares, she loves sports, and she's passionate about life... Furthermore, she loves provocative dressing, and she often demands attention.

Traits of Submissive Women: She's down to earth, intelligent, healthy, easy going, lovely, beautiful, sweet, kind, cool under fire, sexual, sensitive and emotional. She knows how to negotiate, she doesn't plan ahead, she does little things to show she cares, she loves art, and she's passionate about her love & work.

Want to be Treated like a Queen? Get 7-Day Free Email Course at Bill Hamilton's blog: http://www.beingelite.com/

He loves coming up with new ideas and figuring out how to apply them; He also works with individuals, couples, and entrepreneurs to help them accomplish their ambitions. You can read his blog at: http://www.beingelite.com/blog

According to Bill Hamilton, "Brilliant books always lead to a wonderful life."

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30 - Divorced, Engaged and Now Single

In June this year I hit a major life milestone, I left behind the days that were my 20's and opened up the next chapter of my 30's. Like most young people, I had a plan of what and how I wanted my life to look like when I turned 30 and typically it involves being married, having the house and having children.

My 30th year was the closure of this chapter of thinking and the beginning of a completely new direction in my life, some of the major changes that happened within a matter of weeks of my birthday included:

The breakdown of my engagement, I was engaged to a wonderful man, however we both started to realise we were very different and wanted different things in life.
I had to sell my dream house, with the break-down of my engagement, I no longer had the need or the financial means to sustain paying off a 4 bedroom, 3 bathroom house.
My employer made announcements of major restructures and my job was a casualty of this and as such, was made redundant.

When I talk to people and the topic of my life and recent events comes up, most people are absolute horrified and give me their dearest sympathies because so many things have gone wrong for me. But I always correct them in saying that it's really just the universe giving me a push in a new direction because the elements of my life that have changed, weren't really working well.

I wasn't really happy in my relationship, I had a burning desire to go travel and backpack around the world and my fiance's idea of backpacking was flying first class and staying in 5 star hotels. Whilst the house was beautiful and a dream, it was far too big and too much work to clean and whilst my employer offered great benefits, I hated my job and thought my boss was a goose. So these events, whilst they have all presented challenges, was really just the way of the world telling me it's time to take a risk, do something new.

Having been on my own now for a few months, I have really started to spend time and reflect on the relationships of my past and I am quite concerned about the things that I have done, and the directions I have taken. Whilst the longest relationship I have ever been in was 4 years, I have been in consecutive relationships with different men for over 12 years.

Now whilst I have never cheated on anyone, I have really only had a couple of weeks before getting involved with the next man, this is not a lot of time to deal with yourself and understand who you are.

Another thing I have really reflected on in my past relationships is that for every relationship I have been in, I have metamorphed into what my partner at the time wanted. If he liked to play football, I would watch football, if he liked to go to the beach, I would go to the beach. I have never really taken the time to reflect on what I wanted to do, nevertheless find a partner who had similar interests.

Perhaps one of my biggest regrets in relationships has been that i have jumped into bed with everyone of my partners, I have never taken the time to get to know them before spending the night. Perhaps this is why the relationships all seem to be going pear shaped, because the relationship is complicated by sex very early on and I don't take the time to get to know someone before releasing the chemistry.

Another learning from past relationships is that I have never allowed them space at the early onset of them, instead of keeping my own interests, hobbies and friends, I have pretty much ditched the life as I knew it in favour of spending every waking moment with my new lover. Whilst this is human nature to want to consume yourself with your partner, it is certainly not healthy, and given where all of my past relationships have gone, this clearly isn't an effective relationship strategy, or coping strategy.

So why do I write this article? Because I know I am not alone, I know so many women do the exact same thing I do when I get into a relationship because it is so easy to do. As a woman, we have this constant reminder in the back of our minds that we have a biological clock and once you turn 25, your biological class starts ticking much quicker than ever.

I have also seen a lot of single women get to the age of 30-35 and start dating every man possible in order to find a partner, once they meet a guy that will settle with them, within a matter of months they are engaged and pregnant and have settled with someone that they would never have dated 10 years earlier.

In society as well there is also a major double standard, firstly, men can date women 10 years younger than them and its' socially accepted, but women really only have a few years leeway to deal with, with this in mind, a 30 year old guy is not necessarily going to be interested in a 30 year girl, especially when her objective is to get married and have children ASAP. Why would you go for a 30 year old girl when you could go for a 25 year old girl who still wants to have some fun?

As a 30 year old woman we can certainly date older men, however this presents another challenge in that older men also have baggage, generally they have ended a relationship or marriage and may have several children, this means that you have to deal with an ex-wife, a couple of children and you know your man's income is being stripped down significantly thanks to child support payments.

Now I don't know what the answer to these questions are, but I do know what I am going to do... I am going to forget about turning 30 and pretend I'm 18 again, I am going to travel the world and live the life I should have been living over the past 10 years and if I don't meet a man, well that's life, I really don't need one.

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How Can You Make Online Dating Easier for You? 3 Tips For Guys

For some, online dating seems like a really hard thing to do. You might assume that it would be easy, almost as if you just had to join some site and then you'd be able to meet women right away. However, most guys do not experience things that way. They find that it is actually a lot harder to use an online dating site than they had assumed that it would be. Are there any tips that might change that for you and make online dating seem easy?

Here are 3 tips that just might be able to do that for you:

1) Knowing how to accurately describe yourself can do wonders for you.

It can be hard to create a profile, but having a profile that actually captivates women is one of the things that can make it easier for you to meet women online. It might take some time to accurately describe yourself in a way that really attracts a woman's attention, but it is well worth the wait. You are definitely going to be more successful if you take the time to figure out a way to accurately describe yourself and do it in such a way that makes you seem more appealing than the next guy.

2) The more women you can approach online, the better off you will be.

No matter what, any guy who can actually approach women on these sites is going to do better than a guy who doesn't have that capability. You can't just sign up and then hope that somehow the stars are going to align and the right woman is going to contact you. You have to be willing to take the bull by the horns and take action. Play the numbers game and approach as many women as you can and you will find that it gets easier as you do it.

3) Don't try and follow the crowd.

When it comes to flattering a woman on the web, most guys get it dead wrong. They do the same things that all other guys do and the compliments that they give are totally predictable. You are not going to stand out that way, are you? To truly make things easier for yourself and to have some degree of success meeting women on the internet, you are going to have to do things a little bit differently than what most men do. That's the way to stand out and get more attention than the average guy does.

Go here: Online Dating Tips for Guys to get more advice if you need it. Or, you may want to also look at this: How to Meet Women to get better at meeting women anywhere you want to.

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How to Make Your Guy Commit to You

So many women think that men have an issue with making a commitment to them. While it is true there are some men that have no interest in getting married anytime soon, the majority of men do want to make a commitment as much as any woman.

The root of the commitment issue with men may stem from their perception they will lose their masculinity. Even if they do want to commit to you it is this fear that can get in the way of their feelings. What you need is to understand what the basic psychological needs of men are so you can help him overcome his fears.

If you are able to let your man be himself and learn what it is that matters to him, it will encourage him to open up to you. You will be someone special to him because he is able to relax when around you.

If a man is forced into a lifestyle change it can be uncomfortable for him. Do not underestimate how deep this problem may be. If a man perceives a loss of freedom it can be taken as a loss of control. If you can learn to use this to your advantage and learn to give him his space your man will love you for it.

You can bet your man may be lonely or desperate and feels a need for a relationship just like you do. It could be embarrassing to him to show the need for intimacy no matter how strong the feelings may be. When you have made him comfortable being around you he will open up and show his inner feeling for you.

If you put pressure on him he will keep distant from you because of the worry of making a commitment. You will find you have succeeded when he reaches the point where he believes his commitment to you is on his terms and not yours. He knows you are the one for him and no one else.

If you have been with your guy for some time now, giving him an ultimatum to make a decision will only make your man run away. Having him make a commitment on your terms will never work to your advantage. So take the advice and learn how to let your guy fall for you without the pressure and you will have the best of relationships.

Trying to get a man to fall head over heals for you can be a challenge for many women. Check out this site for some more info you can start using today, "Marry Your Man".

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Five Tips for Ordering Birthday Flowers

Flowers are a lovely way to say happy birthday to a friend or family member. Any birthday girl or boy will be delighted to find a gorgeous arrangement on their doorstep on their special day. Here are a few things to keep in mind when choosing flowers for that special day.

Choose Your Style

You have as many choices as there are blooms when it comes to sending birthday flowers. Do you want to be upbeat? Send a vivid, colorful arrangement. Romantic minded individuals will love a grand bouquet of roses or even an arrangement of lush garden flowers, such as peonies. For someone with a fun, spontaneous personality, choose a bright arrangement paired with balloons or stuffed animals. Finally, for that classic timeless appeal choose a contemporary arrangement that is comprised of a few perfect orchids, lilies, or irises.

Birthday Flowers for Children?

Children are drawn to bright colors and delicious scents and what could be more appropriate than the gift of a floral arrangement? Flowers are colorful and smell wonderful, delighting the senses of children of all ages. What child wouldn't love that "grown up" feeling when the delivery man knocks on the door with a lovely arrangement just for them! A savvy florist can pair your arrangement with a stuffed toy or bright mug that will bring a child joy long after the flowers have faded, or you can choose a potted plant to give the child a lasting memento of their special day.

Happy Birthday Surprise

Nothing is more pleasing than a birthday surprise. Want to really surprise someone on their birthday? Order your flowers to be delivered the day before the big day. They won't be expecting anything when the doorbell rings and they are handed a beautiful floral arrangement. They can enjoy the flowers all day on their special day, rather than waiting half the day for delivery.

Getting the Most from Your Florist

Floral designers are well-versed in helping clients choose the right arrangements. Use their knowledge and talents to help design the absolutely perfect bouquet for that special birthday. An experienced florist can assist you in choosing flower types, colors, arrangement size and containers. If you have a small present to go with the arrangement, like a piece of jewelry or a scarf, your floral designer can find a clever way of including this gift with your arrangement. For example, a brooch can be pinned to a large-leaved piece of greenery and a scarf can be artfully tied around the neck of a vase.

Don't Forget the Message

Any florist can provide an enclosure card with a birthday theme, but remember that you can add a greeting card or other personalized message to your arrangement. Some florists have a stock of greeting cards in-house if you want to order over the phone, but you can also provide your own, hand-chosen card to be packaged with the bouquet for delivery on that special day.

Ninth Street Flowers provides fresh, beautifully arranged birthday flowers in Durham, Chapel Hill, and Triangle Park, NC area.

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Few Interesting Facts About Internet Relationships

A long weekend stares ahead of him. He has been transferred to this new location for job purposes. The place seems to be devoid of any fun filled activities. He desperately seeks some pastimes to keep him engaged. She is a sweet teenage girl but feels too shy to go on a date because she wears braces. She wants a good friend who won't comment on her looks.

The internet has opened up a whole new world of interaction for young and old. It is one medium which allows people to connect irrespective of location or time gap. This is indeed an easy and interesting way of knowing each other. Often it has been observed that an individual who can't open up with his family or even with his girl friend can chat freely with a stranger and share his concerns and worries. Meeting over a social networking site followed by a nice and relaxed chat over a cup of cyber coffee is the new concept of cyber friendship. Let's discuss what you can gain from such friendships and what you should avoid to maintain a healthy and safe cyber relationship.

Positive Aspects of Net Friendship

Building up a strong bond over internet is not really impossible. Many wonder how this can be achieved without direct interaction! In fact, it is easier to find like minded persons with similar interests by registering with different social networking sites. The interesting thing about internet is that you need not limit your interactions within your community or country. You can broaden your horizons and get in touch with people from different locations. Sharing ideas, views and sometimes personal experiences can be quite enriching and exciting too. Soon you may find yourself drawn to a special someone and realize that the simple word 'Hi!' from him, blinking on the screen makes you smile!

Many explore Net friendship as an option to get rid of boredom. On weekends, you will find chat rooms brimming with browsers which may give the impression that you are actually sitting in a normal coffee shop. Romantic liaisons, intellectual engagement, flirtatious chats or casual interactions are few common outcomes of internet relationships.

Few Shortcomings of Cyber Friendships

Online relationships are mostly built on trust. When you start chatting with an individual, you believe what he/she says. The problem is that not all are very transparent about their identities. Often they hide facts about themselves. So, building a castle in the air based on false information can be dangerous. If someone asks your personal information like contact number or address on the very first chat, then be careful. You may really like chatting with the person and feels that he is your Prince Charming or she is your Miss Universe, but still be cautious about proving own details.

Do all these imply a gloom and doom for Net relations? Actually No! You just need to take few preventive steps to build up a genuine and beautiful alliance over internet.

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Why Read 'The 5 Love Languages'?

When I first read Gary Chapman's The 5 Love Languages, I was close to tears. "Why hadn't I come across this book years ago?" I thought.

For years I thought that men and women weren't meant to be together because men were from Mars and women were from Venus. I had seen too many difficult relationships so much so that I had no faith left in getting married.

I had grown up seeing very stubborn men and I always thought that all men were difficult. I am not talking about a country where men oppressed women. I grew up in a country where women had a lot of power. Having said that, I still believed that men weren't easy species to live with under the same roof. It wasn't surprising that homosexuality was on the rise.

However, when I read this book, I realised that I had seen only half the picture. It wasn't fair to point the finger solely at men.

There have been lot more divorces now compared to 20 years ago. The pressures of life in the era we live in are far greater than our grandparents' times. Nevertheless, many of the problems couples face now are similar to what couples faced 20 or 30 years ago. Not understanding each others' needs, not appreciating each others' gestures, not being able to communicate well are some of the problems most couple faced before and face now.

The 5 Love Languages enlightened me on where men and women went wrong or are going wrong. I understood why couples couldn't fulfill each others' needs or appreciate each others' gestures.

The book taught me the kind of needs men and women have in relationships.

All of us have needs in the form of love languages. The 5 love languages are

• words of affirmation

• acts of service

• quality time

• receiving gifts

and

• physical touch

In order to fulfill the needs of others, we should understand how the love languages work.

Words of affirmation

Some people want to hear praises and compliments. "You're beautiful", "You are the best thing that happened to me" and "You are my life" are words that fill up their love tanks.

Quality time

Some want undivided time and attention from their partners. This means that they want their partner to be solely focused on them. Being partially focused on the tv or the newspaper will not be accepted.

Receiving gifts

Some want gifts from their partner. The more effort and thought the partner puts into the gift, the more appreciation is felt by the receiver and this fills his or her love tank.

Acts of Service

Some want their partners to help them with the household chores and other work which will help them ease their burden.

Physical touch

This shouldn't be mistaken for sex. Some people receive love through hugs, kisses, strokes, pats and other forms of physical touch. They thrive with a very tactile partner.

To succeed in a relationship, first we need to identify what our own love languages are. I have come across some individuals who are not sure of what they want. This becomes extremely difficult for their partners because it's hard for them to fulfill their other half's need. Having established what our own needs are, we should be able to communicate it to our partners. Some people are quick to discover what their partners want. However, some aren't and might need some help to understand what their partner's needs are.

It takes two to tango in a relationship. Thus, what the other person wants is of paramount importance. In some cases, we might not find it easy to express or give love in the language our partner wants. This is where we'll have to put in some effort to show them that we care about their love language.

One of my friends simply couldn't whisper sweet nothings into his wife's ears. He felt that he was being phony when he did this. His wife needed words of affirmation more than anything else. He really struggled at the beginning. He even used to Google for nice things to say to his wife. After about two years, it has become easier for him. His wife, on the other hand, was really bad at getting him the right gifts. She got him gifts that she liked and not what he liked. He hardly bought things for himself and hoped that she would pick out his idea of gifts from his conversations. On one of his birthdays, she got him a bouquet of flowers and a new duvet set for their bed. He was expecting something like tools for gardening and couldn't appreciate her gifts to the slightest.

Although they were partners, they were two different individuals and they needed to understand each other first and give each other the right love language in order to be happy.

Before I met my husband, I had read the 5 Love Languages and had discovered what my love languages were. It didn't take me very long to identify what his love languages were. However, I could see that he wasn't aware of these love languages and therefore, it wasn't fair of me to expect him to fulfill my needs straightaway. I saw the necessity to tell him about the 5 Love Languages so that he could give me love using the languages that made me content.

We have been married for three and half years now. Both of us have put in a lot of effort to fulfill each others' needs with the right love languages. Sometimes we make mistakes but at the end of the day, we realise that this marriage means the world to us. For that reason, we keep going back to the five love languages to ensure that we communicate and receive love the right way.

By D. Huben

{Knowledge of the 5 love languages will definitely help you improve your relationships with friends and loved ones.~The 5 Love Languages will give you an insight into how individuals take and give love. It's a valuable book to read if you wish to succeed in relationships. Go to http://www.5-love-languages.com/ to get this book.}

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How Important Is Your Facebook Status?

Without over 800 million users updating their Facebook statuses regularly, it is interesting to know what really is behind the status update.

The status update is simply a way to share anything, be it a thought, or an idea or expression that you may have. The update feature allows users to share information with others. Status updates are posted on the wall of the user, while they are also distributed to the feeds of your friends.

The Facebook status is one of the key interactive features on the social networking giant site. It not only allows users to receive current information about the activities of your friends, but the information can be shared with everyone else.

The status update may appear to a time-wasting activity, that is nothing more than a banal pastime, but a closer look, will show that there much more to it.

The 5000 friends that you have, may not all be interested in what you had for breakfast,but if you had french toast, the french-toast lovers would be interested, and soon you you would be sharing tips and recipes for making better french toast, or where to get the best french toast in Florida.

There are many more features that can be developed from the simple act of sharing.

The interactive nature of many of the features, provide easy opportunities for your friends to interact and share their thoughts and feelings about what you have posted. Updates can be posted through a variety of methods, that include text messaging from mobiles or desktops, or from smart-phones and tablets.

Some users have been known to spend hours updating their status, some up to over 50 times daily, but it is largely up to the users to determine what is, and is not acceptable. Within the 18 to 34 yr. demographic, a relatively large number, indicate that logging to their Facebook account to update the status, is often the last thing done at night, and the first thing done in the morning. The amount of time spent updating your status is more likely to be determined by the purpose of the update.

With a free service, there is likely to be some overuse and or abuse. Recent reports indicate that Americans spend collectively more than one hundred thousand years, each month on Facebook. This number, if correct, is staggering, but there are activities, other than updates, that account for consuming an incredible amount of time.

A seemingly justifiable question, is whether we have become more efficient, or added more value, when such a large amount of time is spent in one particular situation.

The obvious benefit, is that is now much easier to share information. Updates can be used to compliment, or replace other communication methods such email. This is perhaps the basis, and one of the important benefits gained from social networking, and sharing can contribute to a more cooperative environment.

To many people updating the Facebook status is a top priority, as it is an easy way to communicate.

You can observe many behavioral and lifestyle changes and trends by frequently reading the Facebook statuses of others

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Why People Sabotage Their Love Relationships By Using Passive Aggressive Behaviors

In the glow of a new love relationship, our expectations of bonding, sharing and connecting with each other are very high... and this high feeling corresponds with the satisfaction of our human need for love and connection.

We are all programmed by evolution to search and find another human being to develop attachment to. There is a need to have someone to depend on, a loved one who can offer reliable emotional connection and comfort. In this search, we involve everything we have: hormones, our emotions and our personal life planning, given the importance of finding a good life companion.

Only afterwards, through painful disconnection experiences, we can begin to get painfully familiar with the little gaps and misunderstandings that bring us back into the loneliness of our individual situation, back from the unity.

This is part of the process, the step by step learning to share life with another person, which becomes a permanent task with its own rewards.

What happens when the other person, the person you have chosen to be your safe emotional connection, is not understanding the nature of developing a relationship? What happens when the other person involves himself into a cocoon of isolation and secrecy? And gives you only empty responses?

You begin to feel little by little pushed into a painful loneliness... most women talk about being stuck in a "lonely marriage," where they can't connect with their spouse. Usually, they complain about long periods of silence, secrecy, and in general an attitude of not sharing anything personal with them.

Even being involved in a good fight, their spouses would appear to handle conflict in a calm, detached way, but then later react in an uncaring or wounding manner to a calm, non-conflict situation, seemingly "out of the blue."

This response further damages the relationship because it causes confusion and pain to the receiving person and she cannot respond the way she needs to because she doesn't know what provoked such a reaction to begin with. And requests for explanations go unanswered... or can provoke long silence periods.

Why is this response happening? why do some husbands distort normal communication in this way? Basically, to protect themselves from what they perceive as an intrusion or an attack by their wives, misinterpreting a request for a deeper connection as a threat.

Passive aggressive behavior often stems from a deep feeling of insecurity in a relationship and the expectancy of rejection from the most important person in one's life. This perception of always being in an insecure attachment develops in early childhood, and persists as an unconscious expectation about relationships in general for the rest of our lives.

Attachments in general are seen as threatening inner balance, demanding impossible tradeoffs and exacting a high price... is a mostly negative expectation that transforms any little incident in a reason to withdraw emotionally and hide from the other side.

A person often develops this behavior as a defense mechanism, however ineffective, because needing to recover a sense of both protection and strength. Passive Aggression is protective because it shields the emotional world of the person in a silence cocoon, severing connections and preserving a sense of isolation.

It can be used not only as a protection from the assumed intrusions of the spouse, but also provides a way to retaliate against their real or perceived emotional threats. Long silences can drive the punished spouse crazy, without having a reason or a cause that can be improved or solved... simply, there is no explanation for the silence, but the excluded partner feels a terrible isolation and wonders why is the punishment delivered. Again, no explanation given, or a calm smile, or a "nothing is wrong" comment reinforces the isolation of the excluded partner.

Unfortunately, this type of behavior backfires because is most often used within close or loving relationships, those which present for this kind of immature partner with the biggest risk of loss, of hurt, of disappointment.

Because of this, passive aggression becomes a double edged sword because it turns the imaginary rejection risk into a reality as the hurt loved one eventually pulls away, reinforcing the fear and the secretive behavior in the person using passive aggression.

Still unsure about understanding what passive aggressive behavior is? Some more common terms that people use to describe someone using passive aggression are "backstabbing," "under-handed," or even "cruel."

Do these words pop into your mind when thinking of your husband or loved one? Or do people use them to describe you? If so, it's time to start learning more about why and how these behaviors happen, how to help someone with passive aggression, or get help yourself trying to survive a passive aggressive marriage.

Take steps towards helping your loved one, and helping yourself; do some reading, enlist the help of a relationship coach, get the support of your friends. There are resources available to you, and you need to understand this situation in order to be able to trust and love again.

Dr. Nora Femenia, CEO of Creative Conflict Resolutions, Inc teaches conflict courses at Florida International University as well as offering personal coaching and training on the topic of Passive Aggression. To further understand passive aggressive behavior, see Dr. Femenia's ebooks at http://norafemenia.com/books/how-to-spot-a-passive-aggressive-partner/

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Some Thoughts on Relationships - Part I

The other day I received an email from a dear friend who has been actively doing his own personal growth work. He was sharing about some insights he has been having about how his ego creates distress and distance in his relationships with others. He then reminded me of something I "learned" a while back and that life keeps giving me the chance to learn again. Namely this: When the ego is running the show things don't go so well - we feel anxious and desperate and feel the need to control others to gain their approval and the elusive security we believe that their approval will bring. When we can step outside the ego, to our higher self and let go of wanting control of the situation or of the other person we immediately feel released, relaxed, peaceful and can truly relate to the other person from a place of love and acceptance and not desperation and neediness.

This prompted me to think about my relationships and some of the big life lessons they have given me.

As Clarissa Pinkola Estes writes in "Women Who Run With The Wolves" there is a natural cycle in relationships of life/death/life and in order for a relationship to deepen and grow and become mature love we need to be willing to stay present for each other during the "death" phase and trust that new life will come to the connection in time. In our society we seem to have (myself included) forgotten about the second "life" phase. We get fixated on the initial life phase of relationships (often termed "romantic love" or the honeymoon phase) and we believe that there is something we can to do stay there - to keep our relationship in that perfect, everything is wonderful phase of love. We can't. There is a natural flow in relationship where once we have enough security and time with someone our "shadow" side begins to surface.

Those thoughts, feelings and behaviours that we held aside in an effort to reveal only our best selves start to emerge. Likewise, the deepening of intimacy in the relationship begins to push our security button and we begin to feel very fearful and threatened, both of the loss of the relationship and of the loss of our individuality. This is the "death" phase of the connection. Where the relationship begins to reveal its full self - the good, the bad and the ugly. This is the stage where most people bail. Thoughts of "you're not who I thought you were" or "I didn't sign up for this" abound and we begin to blame the other person for where the relationship is not working. "They are changing" we think and we feel duped and angry. Really, we are feeling scared because it's time to jump off the cliff into mature adult love and a commitment to truly loving the other person come what may.

Many of us don't realize that this "death" phase of the relationship is just the middle phase and not the end. And because we don't realize that we believe that the relationship has died and cannot be resurrected and so we leave to start again with someone who, we tell ourselves, will be more real or more healthy, or more right for us; someone who won't kill the romance with their "stuff." It doesn't work like that - hence we find ourselves in 6 months or a year or even the next week, back in a new relationship which will ultimately find its way to the death stage of the cycle.

The solution to the relationship revolving door is to realize that the death stage precedes the life stage - new life is coming. Hang in there! As we see ourselves holding on and staying present in the relationship through the revelation of each other's shadow sides and through our own vulnerability we are blessed with a blossoming of intimacy, connection, commitment and love unlike anything we have ever known in romantic/honeymoon love. The romance is there, the love is there, but there is something else that's there now and that is a deep sense of trust in the presence and continued love of your partner. You're there for each other and you know it. This is true love. This is deep love. This is the connection we all truly desire but which so few of us ever attain because we turn back too soon. We turn away when things get tough and the shadow appears instead of holding fast and keeping our hearts open to our love.

Certainly there are circumstances where you should consider turning back - if your partner is abusive (verbally, emotionally or physically) or violates your core values (ie. has affairs or lies to you). If your partner isn't willing to take responsibility for their role in the relationship and do their work to be the best they can be and to grow beyond any harmful behaviour it is best to leave the relationship and establish a relationship with someone who will share the load with you and who is committed to emotional health and wellness first and foremost.

And, I do believe that in any other circumstance, leaving the scene before the relationship has had a chance at rebirth - or the second life phase of the life/death/life cycle is only perpetuating your stay in relationship purgatory. We all want depth and security and commitment and true love and that only comes with the second phase of life. We must pass through the death of the initial connection to find the real jewel within.

A few other things stood out for me as I reviewed my relationship past - recent or otherwise - that I'd like to share with you.

I am more interested in having my partner in my life than I am interested in being "right".

If I'm not careful I can easily lose my balance and put all my eggs in my relationship basket. This means I can find myself losing my connection with friends or not following through on my self-care (exercise, yoga, meditation, journaling, hobbies etc.) which creates a greater dependence/urgency around the relationship than is necessary or healthy.

I have had a hard time letting people, particularly my significant other see my mistakes/imperfections. This stems from an old story that we all carry that I have to be perfect/good enough in order to be loved. Not only did this need for perfection lead to some inauthenticity (which means it made it hard for me to be truly intimate with others) but it also left my partner feeling like he had to be perfect to keep up. This is so ironic, really, because I so admired his ability to be real and vulnerable and imperfect and strove to be able to do that myself. It also led my partner to initially put me on a pedestal which I promptly fell from and that stung a lot for both of us.

~Next week Part II of Some Thoughts on Relationship~

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Music to Get You In The Mood: How Can I Use Music to Create a Romantic Atmosphere?

Music can be used to create a romantic atmosphere when dating. The type of music is dependent on the type of atmosphere that you want to provide. Everyone loves music and incorporating this into a date can really help to make people comfortable and at ease. In order to create this atmosphere, you will need to determine the type of music that you want to provide and how it will be heard.

Type of Music

Picking the right type of music is very important when setting a romantic atmosphere. Choose music that is soothing and has a romantic flair. Music options that you can choose include jazz and easy listening but you should try do find out what your partner likes if possible. One way to impress a partner when dating is to play Wonderful Tonight by Eric Clapton, this is a very popular song and has been played at many weddings. If you prefer some country flair, then the song Come a Little Closer by Dierks Bentley is a great choice.

Keep in Background

Music should be subtle and should be played gently in the background. You do not want the music to be too loud as this will distract from the conversation and the perfectly created atmosphere. Music to set the mood should not be set as the main focus; this is the best way to ruin a romantic mood. The sounds that are played need to appear to float and be faint enough to not take attention away from other elements in the room.

Create a Theme

Set a romantic theme by first choosing a room in your home. You can then begin to set up and decorate the room to create a theme. This can be done using flowers, rose petals, and other items. Your choice of music will need to complement the theme that you have created in the room. Search for a selection of music to create a playlist on iTunes, Amazon, or another online source and download it to your computer.

Playing the Music

There are many options that you can choose for playing music to set a romantic mood. This will depend on what type of stereo system you have available. Nowadays, you can pick up some speakers for a relatively cheap price and these can be connected to any audio output source. This includes a cd player, an mp3 player or a pc/laptop. In addition, you could make your partner a CD of the songs you have chosen for the date which is a really sweet way of reminding them of the night. In terms of being outside, your smartphone may be the best option for you to play music, if you happen to be in a park or somewhere out and about.

Additional Information

Music that you use to create a romantic atmosphere needs to be chosen for her and not for you. This is the best way to impress your date and to remind them that you are thinking of what they would like. Everyone enjoys music and in some situations, it can really add something special to the overall atmosphere.

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When Others Let Us Down

Sometimes we get very tired of people letting us down. We get very frustrated and aggravated when someone doesn't do what we want them to do or what we believe they should do. We get upset when others don't follow through with what they said they were going to do. We spend a lot of time and energy getting mad and talking about them when maybe we should spend more time and energy on helping.

Maybe our expectations are too high of them. Maybe they really had good intentions. Or it could be that maybe they just don't care. It's really hard to know the real reasons behind why others let us down. When we put our hope in others and expect more than they can deliver, we need to step back and determine if what we are asking of them is realistic. We should think about these things:

Do I really know what is going on in his or her life?Is what I want important enough to get upset about?Is there anything I can do to help them out?What other options do I have rather than to rely on them?

The last question is key. What other options do we have rather than relying on others? When we take the focus off of what they are doing (or not doing) that is really aggravating us, we can step back and see their side of the story. They may be dealing with a frustrating situation we don't even know about. They may have circumstances beyond their control that keeps them from following through with us. They may not have the knowledge, skill or desire to do what we are asking of them.

Rather than getting aggravated with others when they let us down, let's look for ways to help them. Let's look for what we can do for them. Let's be more concerned about their situation and know that when we help them, it will help us as well. We will become better people. We will become better listeners when we decide to find out what all is going on their lives. We will be able to listen and help.

It's all about a mindset. We can get irritated and all upset about the situation or we can do something about it. If we choose to let it go and find out how we can help them, we will take the focus off of us and on them. God wants us to stop focusing on ourselves and start focusing on others. When others let us down, that may be God saying "hey, they need your help" and He wants us to use that opportunity to be a witness for Him. God will never let us down so we can always put our hope and trust in Him.

Next time someone lets you down, do this:

Ask them what is going on in their lives.Think about how you can help.Take action helping them with their situation.Use it as an opportunity to share God with them.

Romans 5:5 "And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love." (NLT)

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How to Stay Romantic After You Are Married?

Marriage is one of the hardest yet most blissful unions you could ever embark on in life. After being married for several years, and after the children come along, it can be hard to rekindle that old flame. Romance can fizzle and going through the daily routine can become more mundane than enjoyable. So how does one put the romance back into a marriage?

One of the most common complaints among women is that they do not feel special anymore. After a woman has been up all night with the children and cleaned the house, done the dishes and laundry, she hardly feels romantic. The clue for the man is to make the woman feel special. While most schedules are truly chaotic, make at least an hour an evening for each other. After the children go to bed, talk and laugh together. There are many things to talk about like the day, and it may be fun to revisit past history together. Make time for each other is the first and foremost way to put romance back in marriage.

When most marriages begin, there is usually some sort of romance. Revisit ancient history and begin writing love letters and poems again. A lady can slip a love letter into a briefcase or a man can tuck one into her purse. Just when the other person is in the middle of their day finding a love letter can bring a smile to their face. Remember how things were when you were dating. By doing some of the things that the other person loved during that time, it is possible to encourage and strengthen the romance between each other again.

Gifts are always a nice touch to show how much someone means. Try sending flowers to the wife, or the wife can send a singing telegram to the husband. Most people just need something to break up the routine of the daily grind and show how important they are. Every time a wife looks at her flowers she will think of her husband. Sometimes it is just the little things that mean so much.

The best way to bring romance back to a marriage is by having a date night. Hire a sitter, if necessary and slip away to dinner and a movie. Enjoy time together holding hands and snuggling. It is easier to talk and laugh when the children are not present and the stress from life has been put on hold. Visit an old spot where you first fell in love, or start new traditions. By having a special night that is dedicated just to the two of you, each partner will have something to look forward too. Dating is the perfect way to ensure a marriage stays romantic.

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Moon and Moonlight Are Two Separate Things (Exclusive Advice for Women)

Women always want their marital life to be beautiful like the moon. But, they don't understand that moon and moonlight are two separate things. The moon without a moonlight is like a book without words... It's the moonlight which makes the moon beautiful.

Your married life is also like a moon. If you want to make your married life beautiful then you need to scatter the beautiful moonlight on it. And, it's in your power. You have to understand your power, and you need to use it properly.

Here I am telling you 3 exclusive steps which will make your man fall in love with you and help you to scatter moonlight of happiness in your relationship.

Step 1: Don't Play Hard to Get, Play Hard to Forget

Often enough, some women tend to make terrible mistakes in their marital life, unconsciously. They believe that the rules of dating life can be applied in marital life too. And, on this thinking, they keep up like a mountain and put their future at stake.

When you play hard to forget, you play a key role in enhancing your marital life happiness. You attract your husband and engage with him on an emotional level. You occupy his mind and heart. You become a valuable asset of his life.

Some people say that men are fond of changes. But, I do disagree with this statement. Because, there are some things which make men happy when they are repeated again and again. Those things are the fundamental needs of men. If I tell you, they are like a tree trunk. If you'll keep the tree trunk strong, then the flowers of love will always shower on you from its branches.

"For being unforgettable, you have to satisfy his eyes, his heart, and his belly." In other words,

1) You have to wear what he loves,

2) You have to be a great cook.

3) You have to give him outstanding sex.

These three things are the fundamental needs of every man. When you repeat these three things again and again, your man stays happy. He doesn't forget you. You always stay in his mind and heart. And, he finds every possible reason in order to stay with you.

Step 2: Look For New Ways to Love Him

After meeting the primary needs of your man, this 2nd step will scatter the moonlight of happiness in your relationship. You'll frequently take a shower in that moonlight, and people will envy you.

When we see the same food again and again in our plate, the food appears disgusting. We try to get other types of food. Even we get ready to eat those foods which we normally don't eat. The condition of a man is like a plate. When he gets the same environment repeatedly, he gets bored. His heart and mind starts to run on a specific boring pattern and stops flourishing.

Constantly changing environment keeps his heart and mind active. Every little change motivates him and keeps his feelings dynamic; he engages with you on an emotional level.

Here I want to clear one thing, no major changes are necessary. Even small changes are enough to make the love of your relationship exclusive. All you need is to look for new ways to love him. For example: Sleep in his shirt, dance in flower fields with him, paint each other, offer up a massage, smell the flowers, kiss him before he finishes his sentence, or tell him unique stories of your daily life.

When you love your man with new small methods, he always looks at you with love. He feels relaxed in your presence. He runs towards you for being happy. In a way, you become his most important need.

Step 3: Focus on the Pattern, Not the Person

Several times misunderstandings are embedded inside a person to such an extent that he loses his happiness with his own hands. Especially, in married life, we are committed to this kind of mistake. We examine our partners through our own eyes only and find many errors in them.

It's always been our endeavor to turn our partner into our favorite personality. In this endeavor, we continue to see our marital life getting ruined.

I know that every person has some mistake. Therefore, I thought that it's necessary to speak on this issue. Because, this is an issue where women generally make mistakes. If you want to change any habit of your husband then first stop correcting him. Because, like this, you invade his ego.

If you want to change your man, focus on changing your daily life pattern. This simple method will change your husband in such comfortable way that you'll be shocked.

For example: If your husband doesn't take interest in you, you should change your daily life patterns and activities. Wear new colors, change your clothing style, try to make new dishes, change the time you eat, change your daily routine, use candles, or have new hobbies. When you change your daily life patterns, everything goes in your favor - your husband changes automatically.

"If you want to see the immediate effect of this tip, just change your hair style - you'll see a gleam of love in his eyes for you."

Take Action:

In order to scatter the moonlight of happiness and love in your relationship, take these three steps immediately.

Step 1: Don't Play Hard to Get, Play Hard to Forget... Always wear what he loves, be a great cook, and give him outstanding sex. These three things are the fundamental needs of men.

Step 2: Look For New Ways to Love Him... Sleep in his shirt, dance in flower fields with him, paint each other, offer up a massage, smell the flowers, kiss him before he finishes his sentence, or tell him unique stories of your daily life.

Step 3: Focus on the Pattern, Not the Person... Wear new colors, change your clothing style, try to make new dishes, change the time you eat, change your daily routine, use candles, or have new hobbies. Most importantly, "Change your Hair Style Now!"

Want to be Treated like a Queen? Get 7-Day Free Email Course at Bill Hamilton's blog: http://www.beingelite.com/

He loves coming up with new ideas and figuring out how to apply them; He also works with individuals, couples, and entrepreneurs to help them accomplish their ambitions. You can read his blog at: http://www.beingelite.com/blog

According to Bill Hamilton, "Brilliant books always lead to a wonderful life."

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Vibration Excuses

To be perfectly clear, I do know for sure I am a powerful creator and I am responsible for my entire experience. I get it. I really do. Knowing that is the magic for a deliberate creator. However, at times it's a double edged sword because when something goes sideways most deliberate creators have a tendency to want ponder the question, "how or why did I attract this?". A little bit of self reflection can be a very good thing, maybe. Too much of a good thing can be punishing.

Recently I had a run of what some people might think was "bad luck". Of course we know better. First we discovered that a large portion of the back of our house was rotted. There's a pretty long back story on that, but the back story didn't matter. The rotten boards didn't care. It had to be fixed and it looked like thousands of dollars of damage. Trust me, I did some focusing on that. A few days later, plumbing problems. Two days after that the refrigerator died on the spot. The next day, a cataclysmic technology meltdown.

I'm not a law of attraction newbie. I get how this chain of events happened. But you know what, thinking about how it happened can be a trap. Beating myself up for not managing my vibration, for even 17 seconds activates a future possibility I'm not interested in. Truth of the matter is, when something goes wrong most deliberate creators will spend a lot more than 17 seconds beating themselves up. Some will think about it in the name of taking responsibility for their creation. No matter why we do it, if we're doing it for more than 16 seconds we are activating the vibration of more of what we don't want. When I'm beating myself up for what went wrong I'm losing the moment of NOW and now is the moment of power.

Sometimes I need to lighten things up so I can get clear of the mess. So, sometimes I need an excuse to let myself off the hook. When the going gets rough and I need to get on with it quickly, here are a few I routinely pull out.
Ooops. I bumped into someone else's vibration when I was temporarily not strongly enough aligned to hold mine. Silly me. Move on.Ooops. When I was watching the news the other night I temporarily dipped down into community consciousness. Silly me. Move on.Ooops. I just bumped up against the manifestation of my vibration from six months ago. Wow! That one has been floating around out there for awhile. Thank heavens I'm not thinking those thoughts anymore. Silly me. Move on.Wow! That was random. The only thing that matters is how I react to it. Move on!I'm not the kind of person who has problems, so either this isn't a problem or it's not my problem. I've probably created a blessing in disguise. Yea for me. Move on!

Lisa Hayes is an LOA Relationship Coach and Author of How to Escape from Relationship Hell and the Passion Plan. She is also co-founder of Good Vibe Coaching Academy, specializing in LOA Coach training. To get Lisa's FREE Audio, "How to Talk to a Man" Click here

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Quite Often In Order To Get Attention You Need To Put Your Partner First

How many relationships you know of have died merely because one or the other person, or maybe even both, didn't feel as though they were fully understood? How often can we see someone inside a relationship cheat, and when you ask them why it happened, the answer was something near to; "I feel a bond, like he (she) appreciates me."

Way too often.

When you first slip into a relationship, we try very hard to figure out everything we can concerning the other individual. We want to find out what they like to eat, where they want to go, what films they like to watch, all about their hobbies and interests, where they've been, and where they're hoping to go. If we are in a new romantic relationship, we become the biggest, best "job interviewer" there is. We try and discover everything.

Somewhere down the road, we feel we have the whole works figured out. Different things come about that demand our attention, therefore we lose focus. "Daily life" pulls us in distinct directions, education, kids, career, and hobbies all lead to our own personal growth. Regrettably, that growth is often in different directions. The people we used to be isn't who we are now, and this seems to worsen every single day. That person we got to become familiar with when the romance was all new and fresh, they've changed. The changes are very soft and subtle, and the problem is not really that they've changed, but instead that we've failed to notice.

Our first inkling there is a problem is generally one of those instances when one partner returns, to find the other upset, as a result of something that happened, or didn't happen that day. If that happens on the same day when the returning partner also has had a lousy day, you start trading reasons why your day was even worse. With nobody listening, and both people talking, absolutely nothing gets done, nobody feels better. Should this happen too often, then both individuals will start to believe their companion doesn't understand them.

The issue is that we are hoping to get the other person to appreciate us. It's not your fault, it's human instinct. It's the way we are hard-wired.

Even appearing wired to do things this way, you may still solve this; you just have to discover how to start. The answer to dealing with this, and keep things working well in the future, is to do the complete opposite of what you're feeling like doing. What you have to do would be to first figure out the other person. Tune in to what they are saying, and demonstrate to them that you're listening. A person does this by rephrasing what they've said, so that they know you heard them (Try to remember: you are doing this to help repair the thing that is more important to you than everything else, your relationship, leave the jokes and the sarcasm out of it). When you have done this, they may either agree or correct you, in order that you do comprehend. When you listen, and make time to realize what they really want or need, you'll know the direction to go that may help. Here's when the fun stuff starts. Once you make this happen, once they know you have heard and understood them, they are going to make the effort to try and do exactly the same for you. As opposed to a pulling apart, there's a bringing together.

Every time you do this it gets much easier. Ultimately, both you and your partner will stop anticipating a "tug of war" the moment they want to talk to you. With all of that tension which comes from anticipating a battle gone, the talking gets easy.

The alternative, too often, is one or the other partner being unfaithful, or the relationship just falling apart. Then, if you still want to be with that person, you can find yourself being forced to discover ways to survive an affair, or you will have to try and learn how to make up, and restore the relationship. This is certainly so much easier.

It's difficult to admit, sometimes, that we just do not know what to do. What seems to be the perfect thing to try and do seriously isn't, and in fact will only make things even worse. At times like this, it's useful to have a place to visit to learn, to obtain fresh ideas that really work. If you are in any element of this article, then I wish to aim you towards a website. Head to: http://howtowinback.com/

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My Imagination Is More Powerful Than My Doubts

I remember a few years ago driving through this neighborhood, just South of the Capitol, with beautiful historic homes, lovely flower gardens, and tall willowy trees lining the streets, dreaming about living there. I remember it well, because I did it a lot. To say that area was out of my price range was an understatement. It didn't matter to me though. I would drive through those streets three or four times a week and when the weather was nice, it was my favorite place to walk. Did I ever believe I would live in that neighborhood? Hell no.

When BMW first introduced the Mini Cooper, I wanted one so bad I could hardly stand it. I test drove the Mini Cooper so often that I had to drive to dealers in other cities because my local dealer got tired of me taking up sales person's time to take me on test drives. I found a picture of a blond standing next to a shiny new Mini Cooper and put it above my desk. Did I believe I was going to get a Mini Cooper? No. I was upside down in payments on my Hyundia. Was I taking Mini Cooper test drives in an effort to bend the Universe to my will? No. I did it for relief. It felt good. In fact it felt really good to imagine myself driving one of those little cars off the lot.

I spent more than a decade of my life in relationships that tanked. Some of them tanked slowly, just fizzling out. Some of them tanked in grand explosive train wreck fashion. The trail of men through my thirties did not lead me to happily ever after. I had no evidence that Mr. Tall Dark and Handsome would ever show up and stay. None. In fact quite the opposite. However, that did not stop me from fantasizing and fantasize I did, a lot. It gave me a place to escape to.

I had this moment a few days ago when we were finishing a walk around our South Capitol neighborhood, walking past my Mini Cooper, holding hands with Mr. Tall Dark and Handsome, where I realized where I was actually standing. I am living right smack in the middle of those fantasies. This may not be everyone's idea of a fantasy life, but was mine, and now it's my real life deal, in living color.

In Law of Attraction circles there is a lot of emphasis on belief. "You have to believe it to see it", kind of thinking. If you're not getting what you want you have to fight those beliefs that are holding you back into submission, because change depends on it. However, I don't just think, I know for sure belief is overrated. Could I have gotten the things I wanted easier or sooner with belief on board? Probably. But the bottom line is I didn't believe, and it didn't mean I wasn't on track for manifesting the life I wanted.

Imagination is a powerful thing. I was raised an only child. I am the master of playing in my mind. When I'm fantasizing about something I'm not hung up on whether or not I'm going to get it, I'm just basking in the joy of imagining. It's pure fun, for nothing but the fun of it, and that serves me well, because I'm not in resistance. The bigger the dream the more powerful imagining it into reality can be. When I'm imagining something so big I can't figure out how it's ever going to happen, I don't have to get caught up in the "hows" of it or even if it's really possible, because I'm already there in my imagination.

As deliberate creators we all know what this does. As Abraham would say, those are some powerful rockets of desire being launched without resistance. Magic - no belief required. My imagination is more powerful than my doubts or my fears.

Now I'm not saying beliefs aren't important, they are and when they aren't serving us, it's worth examining that. What I am saying is belief is not worth getting hung up on. It's not worth postponing visiting with our dreams just because we haven't wrangled the bad beliefs. Belief isn't the only path to alignment, it's one, and there are many others. So, if one path is blocked, trying another route might just work.

Lisa Hayes is an LOA Relationship Coach and Author of How to Escape from Relationship Hell and the Passion Plan. She is also co-founder of Good Vibe Coaching Academy, specializing in LOA Coach training. To get Lisa's FREE Audio, "How to Talk to a Man" Click here

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