For Relationship Success and Satisfaction, Try This Approach

The sustaining connections we have with others are fundamentally emotional ones we create as we intertwine our own emotional life with that of another person.

Yet, finding how to form these deep, subjective bonds with others in healthy and mutually satisfying ways can be a huge challenge - a process that can be overwhelming, especially if we undertake it without a guide for how to do it.

Luckily one guide we can use is the fundamental makeup of our own emotional selves. We can take into account each of the six primary areas of emotional life we have in common with every other human being.

Then as we weave our emotional life with that of another, we create emotional relationship connections that support all parts of ourselves and that do so in healthy ways.

We can start creating a healthy and mutually satisfying relationship in that way, and we can also use the same method to work in that direction with one that already exists.
The relationship evolves in healthier and more mutually supportive ways when each person agrees that:

1. We both have a right to exist; to have our own needs, feelings & wants, to be connected and to belong. We address these in our relationship in a process of loving negotiation and mutual cooperation.

2. We each have a right to explore and move in the world to gather our own sensory knowledge of the world and to maintain the connection to each other while we do so.

3. We support our own and each others' right to think for ourselves & be separate from each other, acting as individuals living our own lives and making our own boundaries while taking into account how our individual actions affect our relationship.

4. We have the right to find out who we are and develop our own place in the social world as individuals, as well as to develop a place for our relationship in the social world.

5. We each have a right to develop our own unique skills, priorities and values, to have our own opinions and grant that right to each other.

6. We each have a right to take responsibility for becoming increasingly in charge of our own lives, our life choices and their consequences.

When this agreement is at the foundation of the relationship, then each person can address these two fundamental questions separately and also with the other person:

How is each of us supporting these six inner parts of our individual selves in this relationship?

How are we supporting each other in all six areas?

The above is an excerpt from Emotional Development 101, where you'll learn all about inner subjective life and how it applies to you and all your relationships, including your parenting, grandparenting, work life, learning process, creative life and more. You will learn how to create a healthy emotional life and emotionally healthy relationships. I invite you to check out the class outline and free audio introduction at http://www.emotionaldevelopment101.com/.

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Hiding true self at work can result in less job satisfaction, greater turnover

Hiding your true social identity -- race and ethnicity, gender, age, religion, sexual orientation or a disability -- at work can result in decreased job satisfaction and increased turnover, according to a new study from Rice University, the University of Houston and George Mason University.

"The workplace is becoming a much more diverse place, but there are still some individuals who have difficulty embracing what makes them different, especially while on the job," said Michelle Hebl, Rice professor of psychology and co-author of "Bringing Social Identity to Work: The Influence of Manifestation and Suppression on Perceived Discrimination, Job Satisfaction and Turnover Intentions." The paper appears in the Cultural Diversity and Ethnic Minority Psychology journal.

"Previous research suggests that employees who perceive discrimination or are afraid of receiving discrimination are more likely to fall into this category of individuals who feel the need to suppress or conceal their identity," Hebl said.

The study examined the behavior of 211 working adults in an online survey and measured factors such as identity, perceived discrimination, job satisfaction and turnover intentions.

"This research highlights the fact that people make decisions every day about whether it is safe to be themselves at work, and that there are real consequences of these decisions," said Rice alumna Eden King, study co-author and associate professor of psychology at George Mason University.

The study also showed that suppressing one's true identity might result in exposure to co-workers' discriminatory behavior, as people are less likely to care about appearing prejudiced when they are not in the presence of an "out" group member. On the contrary, the research finds that expression of one's true identity in a workplace can have positive impact on their interpersonal relationships.

"When individuals embrace their social identity in the workplace, other co-workers might be more sensitive to their behavior and treatment of individuals like them," said Juan Madera, a University of Houston professor, Rice alumnus and lead study author. "And quite often, what's good for the worker is good for the workplace. The employees feel accepted and have better experiences with co-workers, which creates a positive working environment that may lead to decreased turnover and greater profits."

The authors hope their research will encourage the general public to be accepting of people with diverse backgrounds and become allies to them and encourage employers to implement policies that foster a positive organizational culture.

"I think this study really demonstrates that everyone can have a role in making the workplace more inclusive," Hebl said. "Individuals tell co-workers, who can act as allies and react positively, and organizations can institute protective and inclusive organizational policies. All of these measures will continue to change the landscape and diversity of our workforce."

This study was funded by Rice University, the University of Houston and George Mason University.

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The above story is reprinted from materials provided by Rice University.

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Journal Reference:

Juan M. Madera, Eden B. King, Michelle R. Hebl. Bringing social identity to work: The influence of manifestation and suppression on perceived discrimination, job satisfaction, and turnover intentions.. Cultural Diversity and Ethnic Minority Psychology, 2012; 18 (2): 165 DOI: 10.1037/a0027724

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